50th Birthday Blues

Just because your hair is thin and your body isn't, your skin is wrinkled and your tooshie droops doesn't mean you aren't attractive at 50. Lots of people think that a 50 year old is still pretty hot. A person in their 80's thinks you're very youthful. A 90 year-old thinks you're just a kid at 50. Of course at their age how flattering is that? Let's face it - there's nothing nifty about turning 50. It's depressing! And you've used up more than half your life. If you're lucky. But think what you have to look forward to - oh, let's not go there. So just bloody cheer up. But if you can't cheer up to the fact that you're 50, take these pills with a full bottle of vodka and your depression will vanish!
Dr. U.R. Older, Facelift Laboratories, Sagging West Virginia.