Commit

Eliminate the nasty night sweats and anxiety attacks caused by the dreaded disease "Fear of Commitment". Stop the tremors, end the hiccups, say goodbye to swallowing your tongue every time you think about committing. Instead, take this miracle medication. And you'll never be afraid again.
DIRECTIONS: Swallow 2 pills with copious amounts of liquor. Smoke weed. Do whatever it takes to put yourself on Pluto. When you are good and stoned, pop the question. There. You're committed. That wasn't so bad. Now go sober up.

Dr. Y. Mary Yu NoRush Laboratories Freedom, Penn.