Farters Choice

TRAP FARTS MEASURING UP TO 10 ON THE SPHINCTER SCALE!
Specially formulated for real stinkers. If smelly rear end blow outs are ruining your social life (and everyone else's) it's time for Farter's Choice - the Extra Strength butt plugger that'll stop you from cutting the cheese. The next time you feel the urge for a back end exhalation, do the world a favor and reach for Farter's Choice instead.
DIRECTIONS: When you feel a huge, sulphorous fart crawling along your intestines, try squeezing your butt cheeks closed. Imploding is infinitely kinder than exploding. However, if you cannot achieve this simple form of good manners, remove Farter's Choice pills from all of it's packaging. Swallow the pills with a liquified Odor Eater. Crumble all packaging into a ball and place into your back door. Strap yourself to your Lazy Boy (to protect from flying objects) and let loose the cracken! The fart should be trapped inside the packaging. Remove carefully to an airtight container and dispose of in accordance with government regulations for toxic materials.